|
HairyMosquito
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: James
Country: United States
State: Michigan
Metro: Grand Rapids
Birthday: 2/7/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Music, deep stimulating conversations about the origin of the hotdog, and how great beer is.
Expertise: Absolutly lousy at everything, but thats ok, I am the president.
Occupation: Government
Industry: Government
Message: message me
AIM:  HairyMosquito
MSN: The_freakman@hotmail.com
Member Since:
2/24/2005
|
|
| I am finding the
present situation extremely demanding and I'm having difficulty
coping with it. A great deal of strain is involved and I would really
like everyone and everything to leave me alone for a while, just so
that I can put everything into perspective.
It is hard for me
to accept that my needs and desires are misunderstood by almost
everyone within my sphere of influence and there is no one to rely
on. My pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make me quick to
take offence, but as matters stand I realise that I'll have to make
the best of things as they are.
My
stress and anxiety are a
result of an emotional disappointment. It could well be that my
emotions are no longer running smoothly and I have come
to the end of my tether. On the one hand I would like to free myself
from these emotions altogether, yet on the other hand, I
don't want to lose anything nor risk the uncertainty of throwing away
something - something that's precious, something that could be the only
thing that makes me human. Perhaps for the first time in my life i
really don't
know which way to go and it is these contradictory emotions that are
causing me unbearable stress. I am faking to the world that I
don't care but even this air of pretence is causing me much heartache.
I feel very lonely
and frustrated at this time but my shyness and modesty precludes me
from establishing any deep form of relationship. I feel rather
isolated and alone. I am egocentric and I believe that I am
always right -and maybe I am - but I have a short fuse and am
likely to take offence for the slightest reason.
I am moody and
depressed at this time. All of my hopes and dreams
seem to have gone astray and I am fearful of planning further for
the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of my hopes and the
fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks
have resulted in considerable anxiety and I try to escape from this
by withdrawing into myself.
This is my confession and probably the most honest I have been with anyone, including myself.
| | |
| Its been awhile. Sometimes you get in a hole in your life. You notice
its there, but you figure that it will go away eventually. Instead of
going away however, it gets bigger. Not only does the
circumference of the hole grow, but it gets much deeper as well. So
deep, you cant tell where the bottom is. When you first noticed the
hole, you just figured you would move eventually. You were too smart to
get trapped in the hole. But, because of your procrastination, you are
trapped. As you begin to sink, you mind tells you that the hole is as
big as it can get and that things can be no worse for you. You find
yourself finally snapping out of your funk. By then, however, it is
much too late for your salvation. The hole continues to grow. At first,
you thought you might be able to reach the side and pull yourself out.
You thought that as soon as you get out of this situation, you would run
as fast as you could and escape the hole forever. All of your efforts
to escape are futile. Now, not only does the hole continue to grow, but
you are sinking even faster. Soon, you will drown. No one can save you
or will even offer their hand. Soon, you will drown. But not until you
realize that all of this could have been avoided. One pivotal decision
would have stopped the hole from expanding. It is too late for that.
The realization of your certain slow fade into nothingness cascades
into all of your thoughts. It consumes your mind. It devours your soul.
You start to think that maybe the world would be a better place without
you. Then, you stop fighting to exist. Your head is completely
submerged and your last breath of oxygen is running out. You exhale.
Your vision is filled with tiny black circles. Soon, the circles are no
longer tiny and the darkness is your vision. The thing that kills you
the most isn't the suffocation. Its the fact that all of this could have
been avoided. You die alone, cold and a fool.
James
| | |
| Hello to all. Had a pretty good last couple of weeks. Did my taxes,
thought i owed the IRS like 1700 dollars. It turns out i just dont know
how to add or read. Today, we got a 51 inch HDTV. It is boarder line
orgasmic. It is offically 3 minutes until my birthday. Yeah for me. My
bro Mike called me today, he thought i was in jail. Kinda funny but
kinda cruel at the same time. Going to bonnaroo again this summer. Last
year was awesome, this year will be better. They got Radiohead, Tom
Petty, Beck, and blues traveler just to name a few. Really hope The
Mars Volta shows up again but i highly doubt it. Going to OAR show next
week in lansing, saw them last year, they are fun to watch. If any of
you are interested, here is the offical bonnaroo website:
www.bonnaroo.com Go there!
| | |
| "As i walk on, thru this wicked world, searching for light in the
darkness of insanity. I ask myself, is the hope lost. Is there only
pain and hatred, and misery. And each time i feel like this inside,
theres one thing i wanna now, whats so funny about peace, love and
understanding. Where are the the strong, and eho are the trusted. And
where is the harmony?"
There has to be more to this life than just waiting to die. I am gonna
make something of myself. I am gonna reach my dreams. I will succeed. I
will previal. I will show all those who say it will never happen. I am
on my way to film school, and that is already farther than most thought
was possible. My first film will be dedicated to all the doubters, the
liars and the backstabbers. I am wipping your spit from my face, and
these tears from my eyes. Oh, it's on. For those of you who are fake,
watch your ass. And for the rest of us, its time rise. So, in
conclusion, FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK, I SALUTE YOU!
| | |
| Got in to the mood to watch some great movies. Heres the list:
Enternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind- Great, it stays with long after its over. A+
Lost in Translation- Awesome acting. Truly a touching movie. A-
The Machinist- Fantastic camera work. An extremely engaging movie. A
Sideways- Comically brilliant. Pual Gimatti Rocks. A-
Requiem For A Dream- One of the best movies ever made. If you haven't seen it, you need to as fast as possible. A++++++++
| | |
|
